For quite a while now, I have wanted to write on this subject but ironically have never got round to doing it for the very reason this condition arises.

Right now, my daily life from Monday to Friday is a constant roller coaster of emotions, faced with chaos which can arise out of the blue with just a seconds warning followed by what can only be termed as madness and the whole scenario disappearing into a black hole and leaving you feeling drained and wondering what you were doing just 2 minutes before.

I took on the role of shelter manager with open eyes & arms as I feel compelled to do it, I know the entire scope of the work and I have now fully recovered from what forced me away in 2007, to run & hide from exactly the issues that today keep me totally occupied.

As a human being that feels compassion for animals, I look at every brown, black, cream or whatever other colour two, three & four legged animal and think about what they must feel. I see their faces and their eyes. I feel their sadness, their fear and I understand their desire for food, security and companionship. I see & feel their wounds and their itchy tick & flea infested coats, I feel their dry and flaking scabs, the nuisance of the flies bothering them and the constant movement in their ears & eyes helping them avoid the next bike, car or human that might just harm them if they cross their path.

The more you see, the more you find and the more you find, the more you get drawn to do something.

In 2006, that’s exactly how I felt. I was drawn in, intrigued by the amount of help I could offer and excited by the never ending flow of cases needing help. I volunteered without bounds or fear, without a feeling of exhaustion or looming defeat. I helped Care for Dogs as much as I could in any way I could. I learned so much about this new found passion and grew to become wise to so many issues surrounding the lives of dogs within civilisation as we know it.

I became interested in medical issues and yearned to visit vets with problems to see the results that would follow because I knew there were dogs I could help and I knew there were vets that could help me.

When I visited any area within Thailand, I would seek out the dogs and witness their plight. During days when I was not actively involved with Care for Dogs work, I started to generate interests in doing my own projects, visiting my dogs, my areas and becoming the help they needed as it became apparent from my familiarity that no one else was. I was their life line, nobody else was there doing what I was doing. I would feel drawn to do something to help any dog I saw. I would visit a local temple and become familiar with all the dogs there & visit them 2 – 3 days a week during the cold months to give them extra food. People visited the temple and ignored the dogs, some even abused them and seeing the dogs there already, chose to dump theirs too.

I would look at people with toy pet dogs and despise them and I would look at the food being wasted at restaurant tables and pity the urchins raiding the bins at night. The menace in society was not four legged but the humans I was amongst.

Yes, this was Obsession.

I live in Chiang Mai with my Thai partner & her family who constantly demonstrate the many cultural differences to western society that I and the many foreigners living here need to come to terms with. I consider myself quite well adjusted now but that took about 5 years.

However in 2006 / 2007 I was on the cusp of a change I was struggling to accept. At that time, I found myself starting to hate people around me that were causing me so much pain – who were causing so many dogs pain. I became increasingly aware that my daily activity of helping dogs was never going to make that much of a difference on the masses of dogs suffering at the hands of humans and became increasingly unsettled living amongst the very people who culturally purveyed the issues I was fighting. Thai society in general, has a different set of priorities and values to those I was previously accustomed to.

The Care for Dogs shelter became a sad place for me to visit, with the same faces at the gate every day with very little movement of dogs being adopted compared to the increasing numbers entering the facility plus a constant flow of injured or threatened dogs into the shelter, I became very depressed. I started to feel the desperate emotion of failure and no matter what I did, I felt that sinking feeling, the boat in the middle of an ocean with a whirlpool sucking me in.

Dumping dogs at temples, people ignoring sickness & injury, others neglecting & abusing trusting helpless souls and premeditated killing of dogs and some being eaten, all became too much for me and I painfully extracted myself from the work I was doing and turned my back on the very cause I was fighting. I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem, the stress that grew from fighting a ‘never ending battle’ became too much for me.

This level of obsession is a very personal and individual commitment to the fight, the cause and the desperation. Your social circle changes, you distance yourself from those that don’t share your views. Every conversation hinges on the recent dog issue, with phone and email full of text & discussions about rights & wrongs.

During 2007 I started to write my daily memoirs of my Caring for Dogs activity in a very simple blog site which initially acted as therapy for me, recording and sharing my experiences but this ultimately became the platform to announce my inability and failure to continue.

Guilt, defeat, shame and confusion poured out of ever y pore of my tired body. I was not only letting down the people I shared my passion with, the volunteers and supporters of Care for Dogs but the thousands of dogs I knew still needed my help.

In the spring of 2008 after a 6 month break from activity with Care for Dogs, I found I could come to terms with most of the issues I had previously struggled with. I had recharged my energy, re-balanced myself in society and no longer woke every morning feeling the stress related to the desperation of the never ending flow of dogs needing help. Move over, I had realized that I was the one who had caused myself the stress.

I had previously entered into the volunteer environment with wide open arms thinking that I was invincible, super woman and not one to fail. I could now I recognise the value of setting myself boundaries and rules to follow. Making rules for myself to adhere to and actively conscious of being drawn in and over committed.

After working up the new website and developing enthusiasm of other volunteers to contribute, I identified what I wanted to contribute to Care for Dogs in terms of commitment. 1 day a week, doing vet runs and the occasional visit to the shelter capturing information to populate my regular updates of the website.

Well as readers of the website will know, that changed in September 2009 when I started to work full time as Shelter Manager. This decision didn’t come easily. I fought with myself about the level of commitment I was about to offer and came to terms with how I would approach this new phase of my activity. I would maintain my boundaries and rules.

Because I now knew why I failed before, I made people around me aware of how different I would be this time round. I told folks that the hard exterior of the steam train ploughing through the work was there for the sole reason of keeping me focused and enabling me to not be consumed by the emotion of the activity and reduce the risk of emotional exhaustion.

I want to help as much as I can but I know I cannot help every dog and I know that if I do not manage my level of stress I will not be able to help any dogs at all.

Things didn’t go quite to plan initially, I suffered a little but after a couple of months I can safely say that I have identified most of the issues that give me problems and actively work to ensure the causal factors do not over influence the balance I can manage.

I am constantly apologizing for being blunt & straight but that’s the armour doing its job and within I am managing to continue without pain. I am now fairly comfortable in my new role and see many projects within the scope of the job which will enable me to drive the facility to become even more effective.

I do get serious about my work, I get wound up by people asking silly questions and trying to complicate things in an already difficult environment but on the whole, I know that I will not keel over or walk away from this because of my emotions for the dogs or the people. That’s the main difference between the last time & this period of involvement. This time round I am aware that I need to speak my mind and verbalise my concerns and not just consume the pressures and emotions that build when dealing with a difficult situation.

This post is really all about ‘Burn out’ & the reason so many volunteers across the world have difficulty in consistently delivering their assistance to a cause they urge to follow.

Whilst I have pondered writing about this subject , I have witnessed various people I come into contact with, reach a point where they find themselves struggling to juggle their resource, their focus and their commitment. For the past year I have watched a couple of individuals take so much additional activity under their umbrella and constantly witnessed their inability to recognize the necessity to limit and adjust with the caution advised to them by their friends and colleagues. The inevitable burn will be a loss to everyone, themselves, their associated friends but most of all the cause they were trying to help, the animals that need our help.

This post is not just about me, it’s about people around me, people who do what I do, it’s about the subject of ‘Burn Out’ and the effect of personal commitment upon emotional stability. Take a look at this link to read more about the subject and hopefully benefit in some way from the experiences of others.

Please be warned, if you are involved with animal rescue in any way, you are at risk of burn out, wrecking your personal life and losing touch with reality and people around you.

Thank you for taking time to read this lengthy post.